Thursday, December 8, 2011

Punishment

I'm to be punished when I see my Master next. I know why, and I know how. He has never punished me before in a physical way. He has in other ways, but pain is something I enjoy, so typically this has never been something he uses.

This time, my first punishment as his slave, he is to use a strap on my inner thighs. He has said I will be bound.

The excitement of this worries me. How on earth can I be aroused by the threat of punishment? I think it's because I haven't had one yet, I'm certain this isn't going to be pleasant. I don't like to be hurt on my inner thighs. I'm used to having some kind of warm up. I've never been hit with the intention of hurting me as a punishment, it's always been for my own enjoyment, for our mutual play.

But the idea, of his tying me - perhaps on my back, legs pulled open and over my head so he can see my face and my pussy while he uses a belt on my thighs, or perhaps on my hands and knees, with my arms pulled up, my knees forced apart by a spreader bar, my ass exposed should he decide to reinforce the lesson by using me in that way roughly as he has threatened in the past... these things to me do not seem to be a deterrent.

Even though I know he will make it hurt, he will make it not fun, somehow. I think of his voice, how it makes me respond inside when he's serious or stern. I think of his strength, of how hard I know he can wield the belt. I think of how it excites him to hurt me, and how knowing that will inevitably turn this into something beyond what it maybe should be - a deterrent to disobedience.

And yet... and yet... I long to cry for him, long to be made to do something, to take something for him that I don't want in the moment. I want to be on the floor at his feet, my thighs red and sore, shaking from the moment ... I can't even describe what it is I'm after here. I just know it's there somewhere. Perhaps afterward I'll be able to describe it and define it adequately.

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