Sunday, August 19, 2012

Real Time

I visited my Master recently for our first extended visit - more than a couple of days - ever. I was able to spend an entire week with him, sleep next to him, wake up with him. I'd fantasized about cooking for him, but the heat made that unreasonable - we ate out instead, or one night he cooked for me.

What I noticed is that the dazed state I'm frequently in when around him finally had a chance to dissolve. It felt so natural and easy - like when you move into air the perfect temperature so much so that you are unaware of needing a coat, or of being thirsty or too hot, you forget about the air.

Time with my Sir goes by so fast. I sleep deeply next to him, closing my eyes and not knowing any further time until morning. I'm not usually a person who sleeps well next to someone else. Granted we weren't touching much in the night because of the heat, but there were no sounds that woke me in the night, no sense of being in a strange place.

Waking up, I felt at home. Respectful of his space, and yet as if I belonged. He had to do some work, and so had left me for a short time there on my own. In another departure from my usual nature, or my past nature, I had no urge at all to explore or look at things trying to learn about him. I know my Sir. My being there as his guest, wanted and welcome, was security enough that I didn't need to pore over his books and photos looking for insight into his personality. Its just notable to me, that most of my worst habits that I have come from being unsure or insecure and once those fears are eradicated, the parts of myself, the insecure and clingy behaviors that I dislike the most disappear.

There was never a time at the end of any day when I wished for my own place to go home to, wished for space from him, distance. Nor did I ever sense he felt that way either. We just seemed to be so in tune together, when to eat, when to sleep, how long to walk, when to play or have sex. Or maybe he's just an excellent host. Even with my ex husband, though, I never felt that same feeling, just that being comfortable and in the right place, without a desire to be off by myself. I'm very comfortable being around my Sir. Which makes sense, as I carry thoughts of him nearly constantly with me.

I hadn't been certain what to expect from him, though. I thought he might have made me more servile - and while he did have me pick up napkins and bus our table when we ate out once at a sandwich shop, at his home there was not so much of that - only around setting the table, normal things I would likely have done to help anyway in a vanilla relationship.

Saying "Sir" is more difficult than writing it. Hearing it come out of my mouth when I'm not being played with or fucked is strange. I probably didn't use it enough. I wasn't punished.

I imagine day to day life would be different. I wouldn't be a guest, there would be more responsibility for me to do household things which wasn't the case in his home this time. I'd learn how to fold laundry the way he wants it, he wouldn't tell me to not worry about things that I started to do for him - dishes, changing the wash from the washer to the dryer, helping cook.

My Master's sex drive is surprisingly high. That was a surprise, a pleasant one, but as I've never spent so much time with him, so many nights, something I hadn't been certain of.

I looked at this more as a time to spend together and bond, not entirely as a trial run for life as his 24/7 slave.  I imagine that to be more work, more structure and ritual, as well as more interaction with others. I imagine us having a social life that involves other in the scene, being together openly as Master and slave, having others around us in our home or going out. I also imagine traveling together, being domestic and making plans for a future. There are many things on hold until we're actually living in the same city. I'm apprehensive about none of them, only eager to start and to deepen our dynamic by being immersed in each other.




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